I have to admit I was both nervous and maybe even a little sad at the idea of him not having others his age to play with. But for the past three days I’ve gotten little messages “from” my son… and every night his Grammie has been on the floor playing with him when I walked in the door.

I want to save these little bits so I’ll keep them here.  They’ve totally made my day(s).

Hi Momma, wanted to let you know how my morning is going. We played for awhile. Even Grampy played too. Grammie got me to laugh real good. She was playing 1-2-3 catch and throwing the ball at me. Easy though, and I thought that was really funny. Then they got hungry, so Grammy fixed eggs and bacon for Grampy and she and I had scrambled eggs and toast. I kind of ate most of her eggs.

I then got tired and Grammie gave me a bottle. I watched Grampy wash windows for awhile. So I’m going to take a nap now.

Hey Momma, it’s me again. Finger seems to be OK, just bruised. Tell Poppa it hasn’t fallen off yet. I slept till 11:30. Then Gammie and I played, as Grampy went for his nap. I ate lunch about 12:30. Grammie gave me a couple bites of Banana. Yum. We played some more and now I’m ready for another nap. Boy, this watching big people makes me tired. See you later, love you!

Hi Momma, not a whole lot going on here today. Just playing and napping. Well me and Grampy are napping. Grammie says after lunch we’re going for a walk. Yeah!!!

Hi Momma, this morning was boring but this afternoon wasn’t. After lunch Grammie and I went outside, first to watch Grampy clean up leaves. Boring, but I like Grampy. Then Grammie and I went for a walk. We walked for 40 mins. I talked the WHOLE time!!!. We seen squirrels and birds and Grammie gave me a dandelion, but I lost it. We also seem that pack of dogs!! Grammie got a stick in case, but they must have been scared of us cause they crossed the street and laid in some yard. When we got back Grammie and I sat on the swing on the porch, That was fun. I played with her phone a little bit and then!!!! I started singing, I only sang for 3 mins and I was gone. Grammie laid me down on the swing but I woke up. She wasn’t tricking me. Guess what ?? She did, she started swing and singing and I went right to sleep. So that’s where I am now.

Hi momma, sorry I didn’t write earlier. I wouldn’t eat breakfast for Grammie this morning. She tried everything. I just wanted to play and talk. About 9:30, I started rubbing my eyes and she gave me a bottle. I went right to sleep, woke up about 11. Then Grampy watched me for about 30 mins. Grammie needed milk. I’m getting ready to have lunch now, Grammie hopes. Oh yeah, I like strawberries and and I also tried Pasta salad. It’s pasta, right. :-0  P.S. I like playing in Grammie’s sewing room. She had this big machine to climb under and these BIG spools of thread.

I’m not sure how I feel.  On fire to make a difference. Aware that we probably won’t. Sad about that but aware. Pissed that I already feel the sour taste of frustration. 

And nervous.

It’s a peaceful, silent protest but still… when you become a parent, you start to understand that everything you do can (will) have an impact on your child.  Will some ridiculous fool get violent? Will I be harmed? Will *I* get violent if things ramp up?

I want to be strong enough to stand up for the things I believe in so that when my son is old enough to understand, he too will do the same… but then I worry that as a mother I should give up the right to put myself at risk for the things I believe in.

I’m still going.

I came across this photo.  Viggo [forever Aragorn]. Wearing an MLK pin.

Writes poetry. Speaks two hands full of languages.  Paints.

Seriously.  I think he goes to the top of the list for interesting people I’d like to sleep have dinner with.

Hi to all,

What a wonderful page with lots of support. My son is almost 9 months old and I have been struggling with his sleep patterns for months. I am a single mother, first baby, and he has been sleeping with me since day one, except during daytime naps when he sleeps in his crib. I went through the 8 week colic phase which is how the co-sleeping got started. He just didn’t want to be left alone. I have been contemplating trying those sleep suggestions that all these baby books offer and have tried a few times to let him cry it out with no success. He can outcry me and I can’t watch him suffer like that. These books never give you the real life situations that we encounter.

After staying up yet again until 2am last night while he fussed and played and wanted to be carried, I have decided that I am going to stop reading all this advice on how to make your baby get into a sleep pattern and let him be the little person that he is. Our babies need us and we should be there. Have I not spent many late nights out at a club partying the night away or pulling an all-nighter studying for an exam, but was still able to get up and go early the next day, all day? Absolutely, so why when the most important person in the world needs me, am I so concerned with how much sleep I’m getting? This just doesn’t make sense. Yes, I’m exhausted and yes I’m cranky and sometimes depressed, but this is motherhood. One day he won’t need me anymore and I will miss those days when I was his whole world. I want to look back and remember that I was a loving mother and did not leave him in his crib to cry himself to sleep when he needed me. Have we not all cried our self to sleep as adults at some time? How did that feel? Not so great. That’s how our baby must feel.

So to all those fellow mothers in the same situation, let’s be there for our children and treasure every moment. Stop listening to all those parents who tell you that their baby goes to bed at 7am and sleeps through the night. And stop thinking that we are doing anything wrong. We are not. One thing that really helped me was a website that talked about high energy babies. It had lots of great information about these types of babies and how to get through these trying times. I will try to find it and post it on here.

I hope this has helped someone out there. Finding this page has helped me immensely. I will be thinking of all of you the next late night and will know that I’m not alone in my struggles. Love to all.

He was going to walk. Talk. Be the man of the hour with his party hat on and most importantly he was going to sleep through the night, being a big boy and all… and I had hope!

Yesterday I actually realized that for days and weeks I’ve been chatting with a friend, commiserating about out children wake us up at insane hours to nurse or to just play because they were awake and wanted to see our grumpy faces…

and  then it dawns on me.  Her child is 16 months old.

Wait.  That’s 4 more months beyond my expected miracle. How can this be?!

I’m crushed. I must find a new hope…

He doesn’t want to play. He doesn’t want to eat. He doesn’t want to be left alone. He doesn’t want to be held.  He will nurse [but I can't do that ALL day]. He doesn’t want to sleep [although he finally is after fighting it every step of the way].

This second round of teething – sucks.

He starts to chew on it like a little mouse.  gnawgnawgnaw.

Hmmm. This probably isn’t good.

Me:  “Hey… can G get electrocuted if he chews through the mouse wire?”

Him:  “Uh.. yeah.” (said with the required ‘yes, dumbass’ tone)

Me: “Crap.”

Take it away. Fussing commences. A lot. Screw it.

gnawgnawgnawhappygnawgnawgnaw

Mother of the Year. That’s me.

And I had someone with me that was on limited time.

It broke my heart to drive away but at least I saw him head off to the side field and off the road.   Still… I’ll be thinking about that dog for awhile and hoping he finds somewhere safe.

I need to buy a “rescue pack” to put in my car with tasty treats to entice, a leash to catch and a blanket to lay in the back.

Go now, and live.

Experience. Dream. Risk. Close your eyes and jump. Enjoy the freefall. Choose exhilaration over comfort. Choose magic over predictability. Choose potential over safety. Wake up to the magic of everyday life. Make friends with your intuition. Trust your gut. Discover the beauty of uncertainty. Know yourself fully before you make promises to another. Make millions of mistakes so that you will know how to choose what you really need. Know when to hold on and when to let go. Love hard and often and without reservation. Seek knowledge. Open yourself up to possibility. Keep your heart open, your head high and your spirit free. Embrace your darkness along with your light. Be wrong every once in a while, and don’t be afraid to admit it. Awaken to the brilliance in ordinary moments. Tell the truth about yourself no matter what the cost. Own your reality without apology. See goodness in the world. Be Bold. Be Fierce. Be Grateful. Be Wild, Crazy and Gloriously Free. Be you.

Go now, and live.

-Jeanette LeBlanc